The Void

Today I was doing some yard work and spending time in the void when I became aware of some things. Most of my life I've been hiding behind fear and blind anger. Blaming others for my refusal to own up to these fears and angers. It never ocured to me that this was what has been going on all of these years. I've been doing alot of shadow work in these last two years in an attempt to heal myself. I can't right the pain I've caused or the damage that I have done except for within myself. I have issues with letting go and when I think I've let them go they resurface latter on in life just to let me know they only went for a long swim in my abyss.
 The more time I spend in this void the more it seems that I am just a black hole that cannot truly be filled. This does not mean that I am never happy, joyful or content. In fact most of the time I am a very content person. Its something deeper, something darker, in fact its a place I've only ever visited briefly until now. Its a form of spirituality all to itself. It is not devoid of the light because it gives birth to the light. Its what I believe to be the very core of us all and that is a state of nothingness.
Imagine if you went into the earth and kept digging and prodding until you eventually made it to the outer crust and then you came to outer space. Then you started exploring space and traveling from planet to planet, star to star until you reached saturn and then found a way beyond. What do you see? What do you experience? Ocasionaly a light or two but its not a normal darkness Its more like a liquid. Kind of like being under water only everything is clear and pure.
 This void is kind of like a vacum. Not only does it suck things in but it releases as well.In fact its more like the void is not even doing anything at all but experiencing the push and pull on itself as it just becomes a tunnel for all that passes through. A conduit of sorts.
 Its neither happy nor sad nor anything at all yet it is fully concsious of everything that is going on. I used to think of it as the center of the crossroads and I still do in the sense that the roads don't come from it but they lead to it. So where does this state of being leave the one experiencing it in everyday practical life? Well so far its peaceful. I think its the begining of being able to let go of attachments and control and experience things as they are.Well that's pretty frightening to a certain degree. As a practioner of the Arte its concept is a little confusing. Isn't the whole purpose of magick to get what you want and have some measure of control over your life? Is there a deeper and more spiritual side to magick? I've always heard of the two being seperate paths and they have always been seperate paths in my walk. Could it be possible that the path of magick has a spiritual side and the spiritual side has a magick of all its own? Could it be that these two seperate roads lead to the same place within the crossroads and somehow have become enmeshed into one another creating a power of its own? I don't see why not.
Its just a new place within my experience that doesn't seem to have any boundaries or definitions. Its like an unborn place waiting to be born outside the bounds of space and time in some really distant far away place that is happening within the here and now.


To have is to be rich. To be able to do without is Power- Hela      

My tomb

Through the mists of thought, time and dreams we walk the hedge where nothing is as it seems. The mysteries of night and the tyrany of day are canvases for us, a kind of template. A place of making sense out of imposing madness and lingering truths which are contained in the inquirers heart. Herein is held the little angels and devils of my world. A little place where  things just are as they are .